film | Ford, focus!

Replace Harrison Ford with, say, the non-Alec Baldwin brother of your choice, and the underwhelming techno-thriller FIREWALL would've completely bypassed the cineplex and gone straight to Blockbuster Video, eventually collecting dust in the "action" section alongside such shelf-warmers as the Steven Seagal environmentalism epic Fire Down Below and Howie Long's I'm-an-athlete-and-an-actor vehicle Firestorm. In Ford's filmography, Firewall is a lot like the stuff he's been in so far this millennium — a weak and unessential footnote, another K-19: The Widowmaker or Hollywood Homicide. And if you don't quite remember K-19: The Widowmaker or Hollywood Homicide, well, that's the idea.

Ford stars as a bank security VIP whose home is invaded by a group of master computer hackers who threaten to kill his wife (Sideways' lovely Virginia Madsen) and two kids (Carly Schroeder and Jimmy Bennett) unless he helps them steal $100 million from his clients, and oh my goodness, I nearly just fell asleep writing that synopsis. You've seen this story before, probably on the USA network, and you'll see it again, probably on the USA network. But what makes Firewall almost watchable is the brazenly goofy script of Joe Forte, a first-time screenwriter with a woefully ironic last name. Wow, the plot's a big old doozy, featuring: A) a remote-control toy car and a peanut allergy that amateurishly telegraph upcoming suspense; B) a smarmy british villain (A Beautiful Mind's Paul Bettany, actually quite good) who shows his hostages that he means business by shooting one of his own men (!?); C) an answering machine that plays back messages in the reverse order from which they were received; and D) a ridiculous climax that hinges on: 1) the bad guys inexplicably going on the lam with Ford's brood in tow long after they should've murdered them already; and 2) the family pooch wearing a GPS device on its collar. Phew. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll reminisce about Ford's Indiana Jones/Han Solo glory days. But you'll mostly laugh. Inappropriately. C-